Do you ever sit and just ponder throughout the day about all the relationships and friendships, “short ships” ( those that last a few months) and even those one night stands. ( Most of us have had one or two, and it’s ok) and think to yourself, that was fun, or awful or WTF was I thinking? Alcohol probably had something to do with a few of those. Anyway, some of us think about those way too often. We give our mental space to someone who might not be so deserving and that’s ok too, because I am going to tell you that you can stop wasting your thoughts on those people. Stop questioning why it didn’t work out, or what did “I” do wrong? Ladies and gentlemen…nothing!!! We are who we are, we may have a little bit of a possessive trait, or jealously, or craziness even, or you could have been that nice guy or girl and it still wasn’t enough. We dated those people for a reason.
Reason one, is we needed to learn things about ourselves, whether it was emotional, mental or physical even. Were we too clingy in that relationship because you needed to fill a void from the previous one or you felt more comfortable than that person did. He or she ended up backing off and didn’t say anything, just got weird and ghosted you. It happens, and the problem was that they just weren’t mature enough to tell you and instead they bitched out and poof, disappeared. Their problem, not yours.
Reason two, we were there to teach them about themselves. We were put in that other persons path to help them realize, that they may have past issues or we really aren’t their type after all, whatever it may have been. Like have you ever dated someone, broke up, then after you, came the next person for them and you see their picture or them out together and you think to yourself, “wow he or she really down graded after me.” Don’t deny it we have all felt that, “I’ve given my toy to a less fortunate.” More than likely they probably do seem less attractive, however they might have exactly what they were looking for deep down. The humor, the personality, the job, the list can go on unfortunately for us. I always end up being happy for them though. That wasn’t the guy or girl for us. So stop and think about those relationships, and find happiness for them, wish them well and don’t think or question about it any longer. An ex is an ex for a reason, so leave them in the past!
Single friends, men and women reading this post, I love you all and think that each and every one of you deserves love and a partner. Enjoy the singlehood because their are some great perks to it and flying solo in this life may be more for you and that’s awesome. Although for the rest of you, I know there is that feeling of hopelessness when it comes to finding a partner. I know, because I was there for many years. Since 2009 until I met Matt 2 years ago. That was a long time in between of dating for a few months, seeing people on and off, turning off emotions and filling voids. Dating the wrong men and avoiding, LOVE. We may not realize that we want someone so bad that we are actually sabotaging it from happening. We let all of our past failed or lessoned relationships get in our way of moving forward. We hold onto people and situations for way too long.
So you might ask, well how did you get past that and find love finally?? Well….you know that annoying thing people tell you when you’re single, “it happens when you aren’t looking.” I always wanted to back hand the shit out of that person, mainly because I was feeling hopeless and doubtful at that point. I was shutting love out before I even gave it an opportunity. Turns out, those people were right!
Not long before I met Matt, did I have this old acquaintance reach out to me on Facebook and he had noticed that I was feeling down a lot. I consider him God sent looking back now. I was dating someone back and forth, not knowing what it was, turned out to be nothing but a lesson, but at the time I was feeling hurt a lot by that guy. So this old friend, had introduced God back into my life. God was always there but I very seldom turned to him. My faith was wearing thin at that point, I felt like God was punishing me in that department. After a few good helpful conversations, I turned to God and I prayed and then I came across Devon Franklin, who was a movie producer/author, that is married to Megan Good, the actress, and he was talking about his book called, “The Wait.” I thought it was interesting, his story about his journey with Megan and that they waited to have sex until they were married. They have God in their marriage and they seemed genuinely happy and strong minded even. So I purchased this book, and read it in 3 nights! This book, my friend, Devon, God, changed my thought process. Now I was still hanging out with that person that treated me bad, but I was praying every night to God to remove him from my life and bring me my future man. I prayed for 3 whole months, and it felt long, but boy did it pay off!
I have dated some nice guys, some not so nice and ones I just want erase from my memory altogether. However, I’ve learned A LOT in those years and I am grateful for my lessons. I want all of you to go write a list of all the people that you dated and what you learned from that relationship. Count those lessons and then throw that shit in the trash, because you are getting ready for your person, if you don’t already have them! If you are married or in a long term relationship like me then you have surpassed that. I applaud you, because I know what it took to get there. We all do things in our own time and God’s time! He’s just waiting for you to be READY and to ASK him for that person!
The night I met Matt, I had just finished my last day at one of the most HORRIBLE jobs of my life, and I met up with my friend Stephanie and her bf at the time, we went to Buffalo Wild Wings and grabbed some dinner and a few beers. It was St. Patrick’s Day, the day that changed my life forever! We were planning on going to this other spot to see a friend’s 90’s tribute band play, so we were getting ready to leave. Well, me being in scrub pants and a black top with barely any makeup on my face, us girls ran into the ladies room and I threw on my signature red lipstick and made myself feel more human. LOL. When we came out, my friend’s bf was talking to these two guys at the next table and I instantly saw Matt, he had the biggest most beautiful smile I had ever seen. Something hit me when I saw his smile, but we were leaving so I didn’t pursue it any further. My friend’s bf did tell them where we were going though which now looking back, I’m glad he did. Funny part of this story though, is when we got outside, I had asked about Matt and the bf said, ” oh we worked together in the past but I think he’s married because he was engaged when I knew him.” I was a little bummed, but use to that situation, so I quickly got over the thought and went to this other bar and ended up talking to a couple of guys in there. Cute guys but no serious potential. 45 minutes roll by and in walks Matt and his coworker, guessing they just needed something to do or did the coworker think something of me and I didn’t notice? I wasn’t sure exactly, but breaking for the restroom, I get back and my friend’s bf pulled me aside and said this magical sentence to me, ” hey Sam, I was wrong, Matt is no longer engaged, and he came here for you!” I couldn’t believe that this guy was available and he came and chased me to this bar. I felt something I had never felt before, I felt special for once! As the night went on we chatted and talked about ourselves a little, even with the loud music, I still could hear ever word he said. I straight up told him that I was waiting for sex until I had a commitment and it surprisingly intrigued him, and he still wanted to see me again. I handed him my business card and he waited the 3 long days to call me. The rest is present, here we are, living together in a beautiful home, with our sweet dog, and I’m creating a career for myself. All things I always wanted but never thought I’d have. Now, our relationship is just like every other. We have great times, we have rough patches, we are HUMAN, but I love this man and at this point I can’t imagine a life without him.
I want that for everyone! So stop digging up your past, let the past guys go, don’t even consider going back there to them. It is NOT working for a reason. He/she is not the ONE! Read Devon’s book, pray to God, focus on yourself. Drop the weight you want to lose, get back in the gym, do things with your friends, find new hobbies that don’t involve partying every weekend. Yes I met Matt at Bww, but I met him through someone. I didn’t meet him while being out and intoxicated. Stop looking for your type, and creating these lists of must haves. Stop dating people you already know or know of them, someone has already dated them, whatever it may be, step outside your comfort zone. There are so many people out there who are still available, I know, I see you all on Facebook. You have dated the wrong people, I’m sorry, but not sorry. You are all catches, and you don’t date people who are worthy or appreciate that about you. They may do that with someone else one day, but it’s all the same “type.” Go for someone different.
I want everyone reading this to evaluate your life right now, and ask yourself, what and who you want in your life. What can you change to get that? What is it that YOU aren’t doing? Are you being lazy? Staying home every weekend? Not hanging out with friends? Hanging with the wrong crowd? Doing something you shouldn’t be doing? Judging yourself and thinking you aren’t good enough? Start with YOU, continue with GOD, and you will find yourself with where you want to be. People will knock your lifestyle change, others will support it. Find the supporters and end the relationships with the doubters and criticizers. It will NOT be easy, but if my life can change in 3 months, then so can yours!! I believe in love finally after all these years and I don’t want anyone to give up on it, because it’s a blessing!! xoxo
BTW I just noticed a lot of the number three in this process. Pay attention to signs, God gives them to you! Now go live your life and go find your Love!!
Thank you God for this man!! I love you Matt!!